It was back in February that I visited LA for a second time. The first time, last year in August I realized my dream of attending the Labyrinth Masquerade Ball. This trip, I realized one of my biggest dreams, attending the Grammy Awards. This last trip I stayed for a little bit longer and I was able to explore much more than downtown. Perhaps my favorite stop during that trip was visiting Venice.
It was exactly as I imagined. For being the middle of February it was pretty nice out, and though the water was a little bit chilly, it felt amazing. The shops that lined down the street leading to the shore were all cute boutiques and eateries, and if I had the time and the money I would have stopped in them all.
Both instances when it was time to go, I would hold my breath as the plane took off and we'd soar over the Pacific. It was a beautiful sight, but it also made me sad that I had to leave the city I dreamt of going to since I was a little girl. As I sit here writing this, I'm thinking of when I'll make another trip out there, either a much longer visit or permanently.
I know that I'm like many others who romanticize California Dreamin'. I'm fully aware of the issues there. I heard it growing up the horror stories earthquakes and wildfires, but you know what? I don't care. For every nickel I could get for hearing people talk shit about California or someone who would try and tell me not to go, I'd probably be able to afford the outrageous rent.
That's something we all hear throughout our lifetime: people who would try and dissuade us from doing what our hearts yearn for. For whatever reason, don't ever let someone rip your dream from your grasp, no matter how difficult it may be to accomplish. Dreams are what give life purpose. Our dreams are the blueprints of our future, and we should take what little time we have on this earth to build up the edifice of our aspirations.
Despite my young age, I've endured a lot of bullshit. The cards were against me from the start, and it's a surprise I'm still here. Growing up I was a caged bird, secluded from the world and its splendors because of ailments that thankfully have long since passed. I'm incredibly blessed for how my life's turned out despite my hardships, but I know there's more that I need to do to feel truly happy and free. Growing up, the thought of going to California was always that high reaching fruit. I knew from an early age that I wanted to make it to "Hollywood", either as someone that's on the stage or the one running the show behind the scenes. Out of sheer luck and perseverance I accomplished one half of that goal.
I've lived in Nashville for almost 5 years, and honestly I don't see myself living here forever. It's a great city, and you can have a lot of fun here and the music is great, but I haven't really felt the click that I really belong here. Belonging has been something that I've always struggled to experience. I've been an outcast for a good portion of my life. When I stepped out of LAX, I felt like I was finally home and I fucking cried. It's crazy to think you've been homesick for a place you've never been to before, but that's truly how I feel. I believe in reincarnation, so who knows? Perhaps my soul wants to go back to a place it's been in a previous lifetime?
No matter how crazy your dreams may seem, chase them with every fighting ounce of your being. You deserve to be happy, and fuck anyone that tells you that you can't be. For every person that told me I couldn't do something, no matter what it was, it fueled me to prove them wrong. Really, the more you tell me I can't, the more I will want it. I was born a fighter, and the battle for my chance to be undeniably happy and free will be one that I will win or certainly die for. Do whatever it takes to reach them, set goals and tear through all the obstacles that will face you on this crazy course called life.
I believe in you.